


Incorrect Danville Quotes

by scaryfangirl2001



Series: Correctly Stated Incorrections [6]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Amazing Race Fusion, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Spoilers for Total Drama Island
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-17
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-02-13 15:24:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21496489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scaryfangirl2001/pseuds/scaryfangirl2001
Summary: Chapter 1: Teams of two race around the world in competition with other teams. Contestants strive to arrive first at the end of each leg of the race to avoid the possibility of elimination.Chapter 2: Isabella, Coltrane, Vanessa, Phineas, Stacy, Suzy, Buford, Albert, Django, Jeremy, Jenny, Baljeet, Ginger, Holly, Gretchen, Ferb, Adyson, Monty, Lacie, Candace, and Johnny are campers on Total Drama Island
Relationships: Baljeet Tjinder/Buford van Stomm, Candace Flynn/Stacy Hirano, Charlene Doofenshmirtz/Roger Doofenshmirtz, Django Brown & Johnny, Ginger Hirano/Django Brown, Gretchen/Holly (Phineas and Ferb), Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Irving Du Bois/Gretchen, Jenny Brown & Phineas Flynn, Jeremy Johnson & Jenny Brown, Phineas Flynn/Isabella Garcia-Shapiro, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz/Ferb Fletcher, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz/Jeremy Johnson, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz/Monty Monogram
Series: Correctly Stated Incorrections [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1428805
Kudos: 13





	1. Source: Amazing Race

** _  
The Race Begins_ **

**Buford**: You have to hit six numbers to get a live human being on the phone.

**Baljeet**: It's amazing that you even got up this morning and tied your shoes.

**\--------------------------------**

**Buford**: Nothing's free, Baljeet! We're in Africa! You go to the Statue of [Liberty](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Liberty), is the guy giving these things [maps] away for [free](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Free)? For cryin' out loud! Free!

**\-----------------------------**

**Buford**: Zambia. That's where we are.

**Baljeet**: That's Namibia, jackass.

**\---------------------------**

**Buford**: You have to approach people in an affable, friendly way! You don't do it like you're in New York!

**\--------------------------------**

**Ferb**: We're in, what, seventh place?

**Vanessa**: I don't know, I can't do the math right now.

**\------------------------------------**

**Vanessa**: God, there are a lot of bugs out in the jungle. Go figure.

**Baljeet**: Swing, you fat bastard, swing!

**\-----------------------------------**

**Perry:** Once a moron, always a moron.

**Heinz**: Well, you fell in [love](https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Love) with this moron.

\------------------------------------

** _Divide And Conquer_ **

**Candace**: When we win the money, she has to marry me.

**\--------------------------------------**

**Buford**: What's this elephant?

**Baljeet**: What elephant?

**Buford**: This little statue here.

**Baljeet**: It's probably a little...a little tchotchke!

**\-------------------------------------**

**Baljeet**: You're gonna get the window, you jerk.

**Buford**: Don't worry about it.

**Baljeet**: You think you're whatchamacallit from _Wild Kingdom_. Jackass.

**\-------------------------------------**

**Baljeet**: Is that an impala?

**Buford**: Get the camera, get the camera!

**Baljeet**: It's a goat, it's a goat.

**\----------------------------------------**

**Ferb**: Who wants to go to Paris? I don't want to go to Paris. I hate Paris.

**Ferb**: I'm looking for four [tickets]. And she's [Isabella] not with me.

**\-----------------------------------------**

**Buford**: How are you, buddy? You hangin' in there? Your legs hurtin'?

**Baljeet**: I'm an idiot! I'm a friggin' idiot.

**Buford**: That's my boy. Always keepin' a sense of humor.

**\-----------------------------------------**

**Isabella**: You're a fat bitch!

**Ferb**: She screamed at me like she'd scream at her boyfriend.

**Phineas**: How do they jump in our cab and just take it? In New York, they would have grabbed her out by the hair.

**\----------------------------------**

**Candace**: I'm really disappointed. Disappointed. Disappointed.

**Stacy**: What did you say?

**Candace**: I'm disappointed.

**Stacy**: Well, that ain't nothing new.

**\-----------------------------------**

**Jenny**: The only monument I know is that Arc d'Whatever.

**Ferb**: I don't know where that little cute couple that hates our guts are.

**Candace**: You're not going to shake my hand? We're not out, and you're not going to shake my hand?

**Roger:** Life is a game of minutes.

**Django**: Onward to victory!

**Isabella**: [while sleeping outside] Ah, this is the life.

**Baljeet**: We have no food, we have no water...we're all set.

**\-------------------------**

**Buford**: Good night, Baljeet.

**Baljeet**: Good night, Buford. [pauses] Good night, John-Boy.

**\---------------------**

**Johnny**: Why didn't you go to the hotel?

**Django**: What hotel?

**\---------------------**

**Buford**: I just don't think the city's [Paris] anything special. I rate it no better than SoHo.

**Buford**: Geez, why did I think it was gonna be an old guy who looked like Ben Franklin?

**Jeremy**: I can't wait to see the big pendulum!

**\-------------------------**

**Johnny**: Do you need me?

**Django**: I just need your brain, I don't need your emotions.

**\------------------------------**

**Roger:** The Guidos try to hold other people back with deceit and trickery.

**Jeremy**: Bonjour! Bonjour! Hey, big strong guys like you, how come you're not doing the steps? Don’t you need a little aerobic exercise?

**Jeremy**: They don’t know Paris, and they don't know where they're going.

**Jeremy**: It would be just our luck to lose this thing in Paris when we lived here for two years.

**Buford**: Who's better than us, here, on top of the South of France? With everybody lookin' at our behinds, no less.

**\-----------------------------**

**Mayor of Les Baux de Provence**: Welcome. You are -

**Jeremy**: We're team number three!

**Mayor of Les Baux de Provence**: You are team number four.

**\--------------------------------**

**Charlene**: Who knew that there were two Foucault pendulums in Paris?

**Gretchen**: It wasn't about not working together.

**Jeremy**: It's about winning now. It's about winning and not letting anybody else win.

**Gretchen**: Irving and I have been married for forty years. We're just doing our normal thing. There's nothing on this trip that will make or break us.

**Charlene**: Control the game, period. Play the game our way. Group Guido arranged the whole passage. No one can leave without this ticket. I controlled the group, intimidated the whole group by speaking French for two hours to the people that were there, also leaving doubt in their mind what I was doing. The other contestants? Of course, we're playing them like a violin, you know?

**Stacy**: I want to rip their heads off and show them their hearts.

**Buford**: What does it say? "Go Here"? Oh. I thought it said, "Go Home".

**\------------------------------------**

**Phineas**: They were rippin' my skin off.

**Isabella**: Really? Mine was pretty nice.

**\---------------------------------------**

**Buford**: You saw what that was like in _Midnight Express_.

**Jeremy**: The first circle inside the big concentric circle!

**Jenny**: [after lighting the Coliseum on fire] Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh, stop!

**Baljeet**: I thought I heard him. You can't miss that mouth.

**Baljeet**: Take the elevator to the Coliseum floor!

**Django**: Pit Of Death, here I come.

**Isabella**: I'll do it. I gotta pee, but I'll do it.

**Isabella**: Olympic torch, kiddos!

\----------------------

**Phil**: Irving and Gretchen, you're the last team to arrive at this leg. You've been eliminated. I'm sorry to tell you that.

**Irving**: And I'm sorry to hear it. But I want to tell you, this is a tough group to compete against, and I don't think it's any disgrace to lose to them. They're all great people, and we did our best, and we wish them lots of luck.

\-----------------------

**Buford**: Alright, so what do you think that arrow means? I gotta pee, I might as well do it right here.

**Baljeet**: It means go right, stupid. It means Buford is a dumbass.

\--------------


	2. Source: Total Drama Island

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabella, Coltrane, Vanessa, Phineas, Stacy, Suzy, Buford, Albert, Django, Jeremy, Jenny, Baljeet, Ginger, Holly, Gretchen, Ferb, Adyson, Monty, Lacie, Candace, and Johnny are campers on Total Drama Island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoa, two updates in one day!

**Monogram**: _[after the show's theme song]_ Welcome to _Total Drama Island_. All right, It's time to meet our first 11 campers. We told them they'd all be staying at a five star resort, so, if they seem a little T.O.ed, that's probably why. Isabella, what's up?

**Isabella**: It’s so, incredulous to meet you. Wow, you're much shorter in real life.

**Monogram**: Uh, thanks. Coltrane.

**Coltrane**: Yo, Major Monogram. How's it going? Hey, you sure you got the right place here? Where's the hot tub at?

**Monogram**: Yo, dawg, this is it. Camp Wawanakwa.

**Coltrane**: Humph. Looked a lot different on the application form.

**Monogram**: Hey, Vanessa.

**Vanessa**: You mean we're staying here?

**Monogram**: No, _you're_ staying here. My crib is an airstream with A.C. That-a-way.

**Vanessa**: I did not sign up for this.

**Monogram**: Actually, you did. _(Vanessa tears some papers)_ The great thing about lawyers is... they make lots of copies.

**Vanessa**: I am not staying here.

**Monogram**: Cool. I hope you can swim though, because your ride just left.

_[Horn honking]_

**Vanessa**: Jerk!

**Phineas**: Major Monogram! 'Sup man! It's an honor to meet you, man!

**Monogram**: The Phineas-Ster. Welcome to the island, man.

**Phineas**: Thanks, man.

**Vanessa**: They say man one more time, I'm gonna puke.

**Monogram**: Everybody, this is Stacy. Not too shabby.

**Stacy**: Hi. Okay, you look so, familiar.

**Monogram**: I'm Major Monogram. The host, of the show.

**Stacy**: Oh, that's where I know you from.

**Monogram**: Uh, yeah. Suzy.

**Isabella**: Hi! Looks like we're your new friends, for the rest of the next 8 weeks!

**Monogram**: Buford! Dude.

**Buford**: I don't like, surprises.

**Monogram**: Yeah, your parole officer warned be about that, man. He also told me to give him a holler anytime and have you returned to juvie.

**Buford**: _[sniffs]_ Okay, then. Meet you by the campfire, gorgeous.

**Suzy**: Drop dead, you skeez _(walks to the other side of the dock)_ I'm calling my parents. You cannot make me stay here!

**Monogram**: Ladies and gentleman! Albert!

_(Albert hits luggage)_

**All**: OOOHHHH!

**Suzy**: Uhgg, my shoes!

**Monogram**: Wicked wide out, man! _[snickers]_

_(Django breathes loudly)_

**Monogram**: Welcome to camp, Django.

**Isabella**: What's he looking at?

**Django**: So, you mean this show is at a yucky summer camp and not on some big stage or something?

**Monogram**: You got it.

**Django**: Yes! That is so, much more favorable to my skills.

**Monogram**: _[shudders]_ Contestant number nine is Jeremy.

**Jeremy**: Hey, good to meet you man. Saw you on that figure skating show. Nice work, man.

**Monogram**: Hey, thanks man. I knew I rocked that show.

**Isabella**: I saw that! One of the guys dropped his partner on her head. so, they got an immunity that week.

**Django**: Lucky. I hope I get dropped on my head.

**Stacy**: Me too!

**Jeremy**: So, this is it.. All righty, then.

**Jenny**: Hey, what's up.

**Monogram**: All right, our surfer chick, Jenny, is here.

**Buford**: _[snorts]_ Nice board. This ain't Malibu, honey.

**Jenny**: I thought we were going to be on a beach.

**Monogram**: We are!

_(Cut to a poor bird caught in trash)_

**Jenny**: _[sighs]_ Great.

**Monogram**: All right! That makes... _(Jenny accidentally hits him with her surfboard while crouching to get her lugagge)_ Owwww, darn it! That hurt!

**Jenny**: Hey guys.

**Phineas**: Hey, I'm Phineas.

_(Jenny almost knocks the campers with her board)_

**Jenny**: What's up.

**Django**: Dang! Watch the board, man.

**Isabella**: Hi! I'm Isabella!

**Jenny**: Hey.

**Suzy**: Okay, we've all met surfer girl, can we get on with the show, please?

**Buford**: Looks like someone missed their double cappuccino macchiato this morning.

**Suzy**: Get bent.

**Monogram**: Our _[huffs]_ next camper is Baljeet.

**Baljeet**: You got my memo about my life-threatening allergies?

**Monogram**: I'm sure someone did.

**Baljeet**: Good. Is this where we're staying?

**Buford**: No, it's your mother's house and we're throwing a party.

**Baljeet**: Cute. Nice piercings, original. Do them yourself?

**Buford**: _(Grabs Baljeet's lip)_ Yeah, you want one?

**Baljeet**: Uh, no thanks. Can I have my lip back please? _(Buford lets go)_ Thanks.

**Ginger**: What's up, ya'll? Ginger's in the house.

_[Django gasps]_

**Ginger**: Yo baby, hey how you doing? How's it going? Feel free to quit now, save yourself the trouble cause I came to win. Oh, what's up my brother, give me some sugar, baby!

**Django**: I've never seen a girl like you in real life before.

**Ginger**: Excuse me?

**Django**: You're real big.. And loud.

**Ginger**: What did you say to me? Oh, no you didn't! You have not see anything yet! I'll show you big, baby! _[grunts]_ Oh yeah, you want some of this? Well, come on then!

**Monogram**: All right, campers! Settle down. _(ship shows up)_ Ladies, Holly, Gretchen. Welcome to your new home for eight weeks.

**Gretchen**: Oh my gosh, Holly look! It's a summer camp.

**Holly**: Okay! I always wanted to go to summer camp. Eee!

**Monogram**: Irving! What's up, man?

**Irving**: I think I see a bird.

_[Jeremy laughs]_

**Monogram**: Okay, look dude. I know you don't get out much, been home schooled your whole life, raised by freaking prairie people, just don't say much and try not to get kicked off too early. Okay.

**Irving**: Yes sir.

**Vanessa**: That's just...Wow.

**Monogram**: Ferb! The Ferbster, the Ferb Meister!

**Ferb**: Dude psyched to be here, man. I see the ladies have already arrived. All right.

**Ginger**: Save it short stuff.

**Monogram**: Adyson. Nice. Glad you can make it.

**Ferb**: _(with his feet crunched)_ Ow! What's in there? Dumbbells?

**Adyson:** Yes.

**Buford**: She's all yours, man.

**Monty**: Wooohoooo! Monogram! What's happening? _[laughs]_ This is awesome! Wooohooo!

**Monogram**: Monty! Welcome!

**Monty**: _(crunches Monogram in a hug)_ Awesome to be here, man! Yeah! Man, this is just so...

**Vanessa**: Awesome?

**Monty**: Yes! Awesome! Wooooo! Are you going to be on my team?

**Vanessa**: [sarcastic] Oh, I sure hope so.

**Monty**: Woooooooooooooooooooooooo!

**Monogram**: You about finished?

**Monty**: Sorry dude, I'm just so, psyched!

**Monogram**: Cool, and here comes Lacie.

**Lacie**: Thank you. Hi, you must be the other contestants. It's really nice to meet you all.

**Monty**: How's it going? I'm Monty.

**Lacie**: Nice to meet you, ohhhhh wow.

_[Holly faints]_

**Monogram**: This is Candace! Welcome to Total Drama Island

**Candace**: Thanks, Monogram. This is great.

**Monogram**: Just so, you know, we picked you based entirely on your looks.

**Candace**: I can deal with that.

**Monty**: I like your pants.

**Candace**: Thanks man.

**Monty**: Cause they look like they're all worn out. _[laughs]_ Did you buy them like that?

**Candace**: Uh, no. Just had them for a while.

**Monty**: Oh, cool. _(whacks his own face)_ Stupid!

**Monogram**: Hey everyone! Johnny!

**Johnny**: Hi, Monogram! Hiiiii! Whoa! _[trips]_

**Albert**: Ohhhh. That was bad. _[laughs]_

**Lacie**: Guys! He can be seriously hurt.

**Johnny**: That felt sooo… Good! Except for hitting my chin. This is summer camp? That is so, cool. Do you have papier-mâché here? Are we eating lunch soon?

**Monty**: That is a good call!

**Monogram**: First things first. We need a group photo for the promos. Everyone on the end of the dock! _(they walk there)_ Okay! 1, 2, 3. _[Snap]_ Oops! Okay, forgot the lens cap. _[click]_ Okay, hold that pose. 1, 2. Oh wait, cards full. Hang on.

**Ginger**: _[rolls eyes]_ Come on, man. My face is starting to freeze.

**Monogram**: Got it, okay. Everyone say Wawanakwa!

**Campers**: WAWANAKWA! _[snap]_ AHHH!

**Monogram**: Okay guys. Dry off and meet at the campfire pit in 10.

**Monogram**: This is Camp Wawanakwa, you home for the next 8 weeks. The campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. you dig? The camper who manages to stay on _Total Drama Island_ the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000.

**Part 2**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=4)]

**Ginger**: _[after Suzy refuses to jump]_ Oh, you're doing it!

**Suzy**: Says who?!

**Ginger**: Says me! I'm not losing this challenge cause you got your hair did, you spoiled little daddy's girl!

**Suzy**: Back off, ghetto-glamor, too-tight-pants-wearing, rap-star wannabe!

**Ginger**: Mall-shopping, ponytail-wearing, teen girl-reading, peeking in high school prom queen!

**Suzy**: Well, at least I'm popular.

_[Vanessa looks shocked, Baljeet looks amused, Ferb looks scared, Candace pulls out her mirror and admires herself]_

**Ginger**: You're jumping!

**Suzy**: Make me! _[Ginger grabs Suzy and throws her down]_ AAAAAAAAAH! _[lands in the safe zone]_ Ginger, you are so, dead!

**Ginger**: Hey! I threw you into the safe zone, didn't I? _[to herself]_ Now I just hope I can hit it, too. _[jumps]_ AAAAAAAAAH! _[lands in the safe zone, right next to Suzy]_

_[In the main lodge, the teams are having dinner.]_

**Gretchen**: So, uh, what do we do now?

**Lacie**: We have to figure out who we should vote off.

**Buford**: Well, I think it should be princess or the brick house here.

**Lacie**: What? Why?

**Buford**: Because, unless I'm mistaken, you two are the only ones here wearing chicken hats, and if we ever have to lift a truck, I like my odds with the big guy.

**Lacie**: You guys need me! I'm the only one...

**Jenny**: We know! Who used to be a real C.I.T. so, who would you pick?

**Lacie**: What about him?

**Stacy**: No! I mean, no... salt. There's no salt on the table. Bummer.

**Buford**: Hey, at least he jumped off the cliff, chicken wing!

**Lacie**: Shut up!

**Phineas**: Okay, let's just chill out. This is getting way too heavy.

**Buford**: Ah, I've had enough prison food for one day. I'm gonna go have a nap. _[leaves]_

**Lacie**: You can't do that! We haven't decided who's going yet!

**Irving**: Well, I don't get why we lost, eh. They're the ones that have six girls.

**Gretchen and Holly**: _[gasping]_

**Jenny**: What's that supposed to mean?

**Adyson:** Yeah, home school. Enlighten us!

**Irving**: Well, guys are much stronger and better at sports than girls are.

**Phineas**: Oh, snap! You did not just say that!

**Irving**: My dad told me to look out for the girls here, eh, and help 'em unless they can't keep up.

**Adyson:** _[grabs Irving by the throat]_ Still think we need your help keeping up?

**Irving**: Not really.

**Phineas**: Okay, guys, let's give him a break. I mean, at least he doesn't think that guys are smarter than girls.

**Irving**: But... they are.

**Major Monogram**: Killer bass, at camp, marshmallows represent a tasty treat that you enjoy roasting by the fire. At this camp, marshmallows represent life.

_(Phineas pretends to hang himself for Jenny, who laughs.)_

**Major Monogram**: You've all cast your votes and made your decision. There are only ten marshmallows on this plate. When I call your name come up and claim your marshmallow. The camper who does not receive a marshmallow tonight must immediately return to the dock of shame to catch the boat of losers. That means you're out of the contest and you can't come back... Ever.

_[first elimination of the series; Irving got eliminated because his sexist comments against women angered the female members of his team.]_

**Monogram**: _[after Irving got eliminated]_ Can't say I'm shocked. I saw you picking your nose, dude. Not cool. Dock of shame is that way, bro. The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows. You're all safe for tonight.

**The Big Sleep [1.03]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=5)]

**Ginger**: It’s 7:00 in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?!

**Adyson:** Oh, so, you’re funny now? You know what I think would be funny?

**Lacie**: Addy! Try to control your temper.

**Adyson:** _[to Monogram]_ You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?!

**Monogram**: A little. You have thirty seconds.

**Lacie**: _[confessional]_ Okay, that girl Adyson has got to get a handle on her temper. She’s only been here one day and she’s already thrown her suitcase out a window and broken the lock on one of the bathroom doors.

**Vanessa**: Don't walk beside me.

**Suzy**: Do you mind?

**Monty**: Can't....catch....breathe....must....have....condition.

**Suzy**: Yeah, It's called "overeating". Look into it.

**Ginger**: What's your excuse, you skinny, annoying...oh, I'm too tired for insults.

**Monogram**: Pick it up, people! If you're not back by dinnertime, you don't eat!

**Suzy**: Ugh, I hate him so, much.

**Adyson:** _[growls]_ Where is my MP3 player!? One of you must have stolen it I need my music! No one is going anywhere until I get my MP3 player back.

**Lacie**: OK, whoever took it better give it up now before she destroys the whole camp.

**Suzy**: Hey, guys. Wow, this place is a real mess.

**Lacie**: Someone stole Addy’s MP3 player.

**Suzy**: You don't mean this, do you? I was wondering who it belong to. I found it by the campfire pit, you must have dropped it.

**Adyson:** Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!

**Suzy**: Sure thing.

_[Adyson got eliminated because she had her temper after Suzy stole her MP3 Player, and believed that somebody on her team had taken it.]_

**Adyson:** _[sarcastically]_ Nice, really nice. Who needs this stupid TV show anyway?! _[kicks Monogram in the knee]_

**Monogram**: _[clutching his leg]_ OW! Have a good night sleep tonight. You're all safe.

**Lacie**: To the Killer Bass. And to NOT end up here again next week.

**Dodgebrawl [1.04]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=6)]

**Suzy**: Bring it on, fishies. Otherwise, winning three in a row just won’t be as satisfying.

**Albert**: Oh, you're going down! We're gonna bring the dinner to the table, and then we're gonna eat it!

_[Lacie faceplams]_

**Django**: Time to unleash my wicked skills.

**Ginger**: Yeah? Then bring it, string bean! Let’s see what you got!

_[Ferb throws the ball to hit Coltrane but, he ducks and the ball hits him on his bottom]_

**Monogram**: That is one tough ball to dodge!

**Stacy**: Albert...

**Suzy**: This is so, against the rules.

**Stacy**: I'm sorry! I didn't mean it!

**Albert**: Hey, why don't you just chill out?

**Suzy**: Why don't you dodge this?! _[she throws a canoe to crash Albert]_

**Albert**: Ow!

**Monogram**: Gophers, what happened?

**Baljeet**: What can I say? Weak effort. _[the other gophers glare angrily at him]_

**Vanessa**: Oh, shut it, Baljeet. _[walks off]_

**Suzy**: You know, for once, I agree with her. _[walks off as well]_

_[the female gophers including Ferb get up from the bleachers and leave]_

**Baljeet**: Touchy. _[the boys glare at him]_ I'll tell you, the team spirit is severely lacking lately.

_[Baljeet got eliminated because he refused to participate in the dodgeball game, and ticked off his teammates by being overly sarcastic.]_

**Baljeet**: _[after he got voted off by his fellow teammates]_ What, are you kidding me?! _[Stacy receives the final marshmallow]_ All right, see if I care. Good luck, because you just voted out the only one with brains on this team. _[the members of the Screaming Gophers start pelting him with marshmallows]_

**Ginger**: You need to learn a little thing called _respect_, turkey!

_[the other gophers cheer]_

**Baljeet**: Whatever. I'm outta here. _[leaves to the Dock of Shame]_

**Not Quite Famous [1.05]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=7)]

**Stacy**: _[obviously playing diversion]_ Vanessa! It's you! Hi! What are you doing here, outside the cabin, Vanessa?

**Vanessa**: Trying to get _into_ the cabin.

**Stacy**: Oh, you're trying to get into the cabin! That's very interesting! Wait, stay here! We can get tans together, and you could totally use one!

**Suzy**: Originally, I was going to dance for you, but instead I want to celebrate team spirit with a collaboration. _[Pulls out Vanessa's diary, which she stole]_

**Vanessa**: _[whispering to self]_ _She wouldn't!_ _[winces in fear]_

**Suzy**: With words by Vanessa, performance by me, enjoy. _[clears throat]_ "Okay. So, I'm trying to ignore him, but he's just so, cute. If they had custom-ordered a guy to be a distraction for me here, it would have been McHottie. _[Stacy gasps; Ferb points to himself, smiles, and nods, believing the words are about him] _We just _totally_ connect. He's pretty much the _only_ person I can relate to here and I know it's a cliche, but I _love_ guys who play guitar." _[Vanessa watches in horror as her diary is being read to the whole world]_

**Ferb**: Wait... I don't play guitar. _[Camera pans over to a guitar-holding Jeremy, who Ferb makes eye contact with in a confused manner]_

_[Vanessa nervously scooches to the right and runs off.]_

**Suzy**: _[closes Vanessa's diary]_ Thank you.

**Lacie**: That was so, mean.

**Jenny**: _Seriously._

**Suzy**: _[confessional]_ People thought I was mean to Vanessa. Whatever. All I needed was four votes against Candace. Stacy and Isabella were easy. Johnny's just crazy, and Monty...piece of cake!

**Monty**: _[confessional, eating a piece of cake, laughing]_ Piece of cake!

_[Candace and Suzy are in the bottom two.]_

**Monogram**: Candace, you reminded us all that looks matter a lot, and Suzy, you're full of surprises. But reading another chick's diary out loud to the whole world? Man, that is _whack_. No kidding, that's really messed up, dude.

_[Suzy convinced her alliance, Monty and Johnny to vote Candace off, as opposed to her]_

**Monogram**: _[after Candace got eliminated]_ Time to catch the boat of losers, bruh.

**Suzy**: Later bruh.

**Vanessa**: _[in confessional, regarding Suzy]_ If that evil little cow thinks she's going to get away with this, she's got another thing coming. _[scene switches to Vanessa knocking on the Killer Bass' boys cabin door and Django coming out]_ Did you say you brought a red ant farm with you?

**Django**: Yes.

_[later, Suzy runs out of the cabin screaming and covered in fire ants]_

**Vanessa**: _[in bed]_ Sweet dreams, everyone! _[chuckles as Suzy is still heard screaming outside]_

**The Sucky Outdoors [1.06]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=8)]

**Major Monogram**: Campers, today’s challenge will test your outdoor survival skills. I’m not gonna lie to you. Some of you may not come back alive.

_(Isabella & Monty gasp)_

**Major Monogram**: Just joking. _[laughs_] All you have to do is spend one night in the woods. Everything you need is at your team’s campsite in the forest. You just have to find it. Oh, and watch out for bears. Lost a couple of interns in pre-production. First team back for breakfast wins invincibility! _[blows airhorn]_ Well, off you go!

**Ginger**: Did he say there are bears up in here?

**Monty**: I had a little encounter with a bear once. Let’s just say his head looks real nice up on my mantle.

**Johnny**: Ooh! This one time, I saw a bear eating our garbage! He had old spaghetti noodles hanging from his big, huge teeth! It looked like blood and guts! _(Stacy groans)_ It was so, gross. And we thought he was eating the neighbor’s cat Simba, but it turns out he was just lost for a week. Uh, you didn’t eat spaghetti, did you? Good, let’s go!

**Stacy**: _(gulps)_

**Holly**: You don’t know where we are, do you?

**Gretchen**: Yes! Okay, no. It’s so, not my fault. Have you ever notice that all trees look the same?

**Holly**: Ooh, I knew I should have known better than to listen to you.

**Gretchen**: What, you don’t think I’m smart enough to find them?

**Holly**: You’re not exactly the best with like, directions.

**Gretchen**: Yuh-huh, I am!

**Holly**: Nuh-uh! Apparently, you’re not! ‘Cause we’re L-O-S-T. Lost! _[Gretchen blows raspberry]_

**Gretchen**: Well, at least I know how do to drive, you… you have-to-walk girl. Now who’s smarter?

**Holly**: Trip to the beach last year ring a bell?

**Gretchen**: Oh, I can’t believe you’re bringing that up. I did have a totally fetch bikini on that day, though. Ha.

**Holly**: You drove my mom’s car into a snack shack!

**Gretchen**: It was totally in my blind spot! Whatever. If it wasn’t for me, you’d be riding the bus to the mall!

**Holly**: Well, if it weren’t for _me_, _you_ wouldn’t be able to find your way to the mall!

**Gretchen**: Oh, I _know_ my way to the mall!

**Holly**: You lean on me! _[purple squirrel mimics her]_ If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t even be on this show!

**Gretchen**: _[gasps; blue squirrel mimics her]_ You’re just saying that because I’m prettier than you are!

_[The two squirrels start laughing]_

**Holly**: _[gasps]_ I knew you thought that!

**Gretchen**: It’s true. Everybody thinks so.

**Monty**: Okay. Fire’s hot. Fish are grilling. Tent is tenting.

**Jeremy**: Nice goin’, man. Fish looks awesome.

**Monty**: Thanks, man. I owe it all to grandpa.

**Jeremy**: so, you and your grandpa really fought a bear once?

**Monty**: Heck yes. It was the scariest day of my entire life.

_(Stacy gasps)_

**Monty**: We were out in the woods when we came upon the great beast. I tell you, he was ten feet high if he was a foot! And then he roared his terrible roar! _[imitates roar]_ We grabbed our shotgun. We knew it was either him or us. It was nothing personal, just the law of the wild. And then, bam! One shot was all it took to fell the great beast. We took his blood and marked ourselves to honor him. It was a good death.

**Suzy**: Yeah right. There's no way you took down a 10-foot bear. Hey! Has anyone seen crazy boy?

**Stacy**: I think he had to pee.

**Jeremy**: That was over an hour ago. Johnny! Johnny!

**Monty**: Johnny the Gopher, where are you?!

_[bushes rustling]_

**Monty**: _[laughs]_ Good. We thought we lost you there for a minute– Great Pyramid of Giza!

_(bear growls)_

**Monty**: _[screams]_ We’re all going to die! We’re gonna get eaten alive by a bear! Oh, the horror! Somebody help us! I want my mommy! _[whoosh, thud]_

_(bear growls)_

**Suzy**: The trees! Climb into the trees!

**Jenny**: _(sighs)_

**Coltrane**: Be cool. It’s just an owl.

**Jenny**: Sorry. I just get real freaked out in the forest.

**Buford**: This reminds me of this really scary story I heard once.

**Phineas**: Awesome. Tell it, man.

**Buford**: Are you sure? Because the story I’m thinking of is pretty hardcore.

**Lacie**: Ooh, we’re so, scared.

**Buford**: All right. But don’t say I didn’t warn you. One night, a lot like this one... so, suddenly, they heard this tap-tap-tapping on the side of the car. The girl started to freak out, and by this time, even the guy was getting a bit scared. so, he turned the car on and he stepped on it. When they got back to the girl’s house, she opened the door and screamed. Because there, hanging from the door handle... was the bloody hook. They say that this killer is still alive, wandering these very woods. He could be just about anywhere, really. Maybe even right _[holds up his right hand wearing a hook]_ _Here_! _[The Killer Bass campers scream terrifyingly and he starts laughing evilly]_

**Lacie**: Buford, that was so, not funny!

**Buford**: Oh, yes it was! I just wish it was all on camera! Uh, oh wait, it is!

**Lacie**: You are so, vile. Do your parents even like you?

**Buford**: I don’t know, Jumpy McChicken. I haven’t asked them lately.

_(bear growls)_

**Jeremy**: so, what do we do now?

**Suzy**: Don’t look at me.

**Vanessa**: It was your idea to climb the trees.

**Suzy**: Well, why don’t you ask the bear hunting expert? Hey Monty, what now?

**Monty**: How should I know?

**Ginger**: Dude, you said you killed a bear!

**Monty**: I was being theatrical!

**Suzy**: This is all your fault! If you hadn’t been growling like that, we never would’ve attracted him to our site!

**Monty**: Excuse me for living! _(cries and knocking for 3 times)_

**Jeremy**: Hey, hey, hey. Ease up on the guy. He did bring us all that fish.

_(bear sniffs)_

**Suzy**: Hey! Lay off our fish!

**Stacy**: _(pants)_ It’s probably already eaten Johnny!

**Suzy**: Then it shouldn’t be hungry anymore!

_(Vanessa gasps)_

**Suzy**: What? This is survival of the fittest. He should’ve just peed in his pants like Ferb.

_[tree branch snap and break, Ginger falls down and bear growls]_

_(Suzy and Jeremy gasp)_

**Monty**: Dear Abby, she’s going to die!

_(bear growls and thunk)_

**Ginger**: _[grunts]_ Eh, nice bear. _[screams]_ Somebody help me!

**Suzy**: Ginger, get up!

**Jeremy**: Run, look out!

**Vanessa**: Don’t move!

**Johnny**: _[laughs]_ Hey, are you okay?

**Ginger**: Uh, did that bear just ask me a question?

_(Vanessa and Suzy gasp)_

**Monty**: Oh my goodness, I did not see that coming!

**Stacy**: Okay, I’m so, confused right now.

**Vanessa**: What are you, some kind of weirdo?

**Johnny**: I thought it would be funny! _(laughs)_ _[in confessional]_ Okay, okay, that was so, funny, like “Oh, it’s a bear! Oh no!” And like “We’re all gonna die now! Help! Help!” _(laughs)_ And I’m like, “Rah! I’m gonna eat you!” _(laughing)_ Like I could actually do that! There’s no way, okay? _(laughing)_

**Gretchen**: We made it!

**Holly**: We’re safe! Oh my gosh, guys! We got totally lost and then got in this massive fight!

**Gretchen**: And there was this huge bear, and he was all "Rahhhh! You’re in my crib, so, get out!"

**Holly**: And we had to run, and it was like, so, scary!

**Gretchen**: Oh, Holly, I’m so, sorry I said I was prettier than you.

**Holly**: And I’m so, sorry I brought up the snack shack.

**Gretchen**: And I’m sorry I said your butt was too big to fit in the bus seats.

**Holly**: You did?

**Gretchen**: Um, well, not to your face.

**Holly**: Oh, who cares? We’re safe! And you’re my best friend and I love you!

**Gretchen**: Oh, I love you too!

**Lacie**: You two finished your little love-fest? _[Gretchen and Holly both nod yes]_ Good. Because thanks to you, we just lost the challenge!

_[Gretchen got eliminated after she and Holly had gotten lost and showed up too late at camp to save their team]_

**Holly**: I miss you already!

**Gretchen**: _[sobs]_ I miss you more!

**Holly**: No, I miss you more!

**Gretchen**: No way, I totally miss you more!

**Holly**: I miss you infinitely more, bye!

**Lacie**: _[sighs]_ What do you want now?

**Buford**: I just wanted to say, I’m sorry I scared you.

**Lacie**: I was _not_ scared, it was _completely_ circumstantial, and there’s no such thing as a “hook-man”.

**Buford**: Yeah, you’re probably right... _[pulls out the hook again]_ _or are you?_!?!?!

**Lacie**: _[screams]_ _Ugh_!!! _I hate you_. _[walks away]_

**Buford**: She so, doesn’t hate me. _[accidentally cuts himself with hook]_ _Ah_!

**Phobia Factor [1.07]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=9)]

_[Holly lays on the end of the dock crying after Gretchen left]_

**Jenny**: Gretchen would want you to keep going. _[Holly continues sobbing; sighs]_ Come on. Let’s go back and join the others. _[pulls Holly from the end of the dock breaking a piece of wood]_

**Holly**: No! _[crying]_ Gretchen! I miss you!

**Jenny**: _[to Lacie]_ It was a long goodbye.

**Coltrane**: _[gasps]_ _Snake_!

**Ferb**: Chill, dude. It’s just a gummy worm.

**Coltrane**: Sorry for trippin’. Snakes just freak me out.

**Albert**: I feel you. Chickens give me the creeps, dude.

**Vanessa**: You’re afraid of chickens?

**Buford**: _[chuckles]_ Wow, that’s… That’s really lame, man.

**Vanessa**: _[Confessional]_ so, suddenly, everyone’s having this big share-fest by the fire. Like Isabella went on and on about how her mortal fear is being covered by bugs, Django’s afraid of ninjas, even Suzy admitted she’s afraid of sumo wrestlers. _[end of confessional]_ What’s my worst fear? I guess being buried alive.

**Stacy**: Walking through a minefield. In heels.

**Monty**: Flying, man. That’s some crazy stuff.

**Johnny**: Hah. I would never go up in a plane. Never!

**Phineas**: I’m scared of hail. It’s small but deadly, dude.

**Jenny**: Being left alone in the woods.

**Holly**: _[sniffling]_ Bad haircuts.

**Stacy**: Oh, okay. I change mine! That’s so, much scarier than a minefield!

**Ferb**: Having to defuse a time bomb under pressure.

**Lacie**: _[to Buford]_ What's your phobia?

**Buford**: C-Celine Dion music store standees.

**Jeremy**: You still alive in there? Only three more minutes.

**Vanessa**: _[through walkie-talkie]_ And then you’ll dig me up, right?

**Jeremy**: Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. I promise.

**Vanessa**: I need some kind of distraction. Tell me a story. Why do you hate mimes so, much?

**Jeremy**: _[sighs]_ My mom took me to this carnival once when I was four so, I could see the elephants. I was stoked.

**Vanessa**: Yeah?

**Jeremy**: I was so, busy watching them that I lost her for a minute. I called out, but when I turned, all I could see was the horrible white face with black lips pretending to be me! I screamed and tried to run, but every time I turned around, he was there, doing this creepy fake run and scream routine.

_[Jeremy's worst fear touches him and he turns, screaming, and runs off and drops his walkie-talkie]_

**Vanessa**: _[through walkie-talkie]_ Jeremy?

**Lacie**: We need this point, Coltrane! Suck it up! _[Phineas, Buford, Django, and Albert shake their heads]_ What?! We're heading back to Loserville, People!

**Lacie**: _[Confessional, tearful and embarrassed about not overcoming her fear of green jelly, which cost the Killer Bass the challenge]_ I'm so, embarrassed! How could I be so, weak? I deserve to go home! Ugh, okay, stop it. You're pathetic. Show some confidence, Lacie! _[starts crying, but, slaps herself to stop]_

_[Albert got eliminated because his phobia of chickens was seen as a nuisance and his inability to conquer them contributed to his team's loss]_

**Monogram**: _[as Albert leaves]_ Looks like a new pecking order has been established here.

**Up the Creek [1.08]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=10)]

**Monogram**: Legend has it, if you take anything off the island, _[in spooky voice]_ you'll be cursed forever.

**Monty**: Yeah, haha! A cursed island! Whoo!

**Monogram**: Now, get in your canoes and let’s have some fun!

**Monty**: Yes!

_[The campers head for their canoes, Isabella just got out of the bathroom]_

**Isabella**: What I'd miss?

**Monogram**: Canoes.

**Ferb**: _[Confessional]_ Monogram told us to pick a paddling partner. It was time for me to make my move. If I could just get Vanessa alone for five minutes, I knew I could woo her with my manly charms. _[Vanessa finds Jeremy at the dock and they smile at each other. Vanessa tries to walk to Jeremy, but Ferb grabs her]_ Come on, Vanessa. You and me, open water. What do ya say? _[Vanessa then puts Ferb in a headlock while pulling his arm]_

**Stacy**: _[with Isabella]_ Jeremy? You have to come with us.

_[Vanessa see Jeremy being pulled away by Isabella and Stacy, Ferb's still struggling]_

**Vanessa**: _[sighs as she lets go of Ferb]_ Fine, but I'm in charge!

**Ferb**: That's the way I like it. _[in confessional]_ Yes, yes, yes! It is so, on! _[plays air guitar solo]_

**Vanessa**: Ferb? He's like an annoying brother. A really annoying little brother. _[Ferb continues playing air guitar solo]_ so, much for hooking up with Jeremy.

_[Ferb and Vanessa are paddling together]_

**Ferb**: So, do you wanna go out sometime?

**Vanessa**: No.

**Ferb**: How about Friday night?

**Vanessa**: Uh, no.

**Ferb**: Saturday's fine with me. How about Saturday?

**Vanessa**: I'm never going out with you, ever!

**Ferb**: Okay. Fine. Jeez. So... Is Sunday out of the question? _[Vanessa twirls her paddle like a baton and rams it against Ferb's groin]_ Uh... Got it... _[in confessional]_ Okay. Maybe she wasn't quite ready for the Ferb-meister.

**Phineas**: Ahh! My leg! I’m down! I’m down! Oh, it’s so, unfair! Why did this have to happen now? Oh! Why? Why?!

**Jenny**: Phineas!

**Phineas**: You’ve gotta go on without me!

**Coltrane**: We’re not leaving any man behind! Not on my watch!

**Phineas**: _[Confessional]_ I didn’t know if I was gonna make it. It was touch-and-go.

**Jenny**: _[Confessional]_ I’ve seen surfers get eaten by sharks before, but this? This was horrifying.

**Coltrane**: _[Confessional]_ The man just... kept going. Dude’s got heart.

**Ferb**: I think I know why you keep shooting me down. It's because of Jeremy, isn't it? _[Vanessa looks at him]_ Look, I'm pretty tight with Jeremy, and I was definitely sensing an "I'm into Vanessa" vibe from him. _[Vanessa stares at him]_ I'll put in a good word for him, if you will.

**Vanessa**: _[surprised]_ Wow. That's really cool of you.

**Ferb**: Aw, well.

**Vanessa**: If you can get us in the same boat back, I'll so, owe you one.

**Ferb**: Interesting that you would say that. See, I'm in a bit of trouble myself.

**Vanessa**: _[looking uneasy]_ What do you mean?

**Ferb**: Well, I kind of bet Monty that if I got you _[wiggles fingers]_ bra, he'd do all my dishes for the rest of the competition. _[Vanessa, irritated, hits him in the groin with her paddle again]_ _Ha, ow_! Ha... right... asking too much. Got it.

**Monogram**: _[Confessional, laughing about Jeremy stepping in quicksand]_

_[Ferb was able to save Jeremy and Stacy from the quicksand]_

**Jeremy**: Thanks for saving my butt, man.

**Ferb**: Just lookin’ out for a fellow Gopher. _[opens a soda can]_ Want a sip?

**Jeremy**: Nah, I’m good.

**Ferb**: Jeremy, let’s talk. Mano y Mano.

**Jeremy**: O-Okay. What do you wanna talk about?

**Ferb**: Vanessa. See, I hit on her, but I struck out. A-A few times. The point is, she’s not into me. She’s into _you_.

**Jeremy**: If you’re lying, I could easily rearrange your face. You know that, right?

**Ferb**: Dude, buddy! What do I have to gain from lying to you?

**Jeremy**: Okay. So, what do you think I should do about it?

**Ferb**: Well, I'll tell ya, Jeremy. Here's how I'd play it.

**Suzy**: _[to Jeremy and Ferb]_ Ladies, are you almost finished with your tea party? We're in the middle of a challenge here!

**Suzy**: Where did you learn to do that?

**Johnny**: Oh, you know, I spent a summer training with the reserves. Yeah, I got in to some trouble there and like, blew up the kitchen by accident, which is why the RCMP is like, still all over my butt. I am so, totally AWOL!

**Monogram**: The Bass are the winners!

_[The Killer Bass members cheer for their victory]_

**Ginger**: _[to Johnny with rage]_ You cost us the game! _You_ are dead!

**Johnny**: Right. Okay, you are so, lucky that my license to kill is currently expired.

_[Ginger angrily picks up an oar and starts chasing Johnny]_

_[Johnny eliminated himself from the game because the RCMP arrived to arrest him]_

**RCMP Officer**: _[from a helicopter]_ Johnny! We know you are down there! You are under arrest! _[a searchlight tries to spot Johnny]_

**Ginger**: You mean all that trash you were talkin' was true?

**Johnny**: No, just the RCMP part. See ya! _[goes psycho while the helicopter's searchlight immediately focuses on him]_ You'll never get me ALIVE!!!!!!!! _[laughs hysterically and runs off with the RCMP in hot pursuit]_

**Paintball Deer Hunter [1.09]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=11)]

**Ginger**: Okay, that dude is really starting to get on my last nerve!

**Suzy**: _[yawns]_ Whatever. He just loves ruining our mornings. Isabella, Stacy, go warm up the shower for me. Now! And remember...

**Isabella**: Not too hot this time, I know. _[yawns]_

**Buford**: What are you lookin’ at?

**Monty**: Oh, nothing. Bambi.

**Buford**: _[threateningly]_ You’d better be a good shot, tubby.

**Suzy**: What took you so, long?

**Isabella**: Were we supposed to come find you?

**Suzy**: Hello? Alliance, anyone?

**Stacy**: Ooh, ooh, me! Can I be in one?

**Suzy**: You already are, Stacy. That’s the point! Now go find me some berries! I’m starving!

**Stacy**: Woohoo! Yeah!

**Isabella**: Shouldn’t we be, y’know, hunting?

**Suzy**: She is hunting. For me. But actually, berries won’t be enough. Go get me some chips.

**Isabella**: In the forest?

**Suzy**: In the dining hall. Now. And not barbecue!

**Isabella**: _[Confessional]_ so, I’m running for my life from this psycho Carl when all of a sudden, it hits me! I’m doing this for Suzy?! I don’t even like her!

_[Isabella stood up to Suzy and ends their alliance together.]_

**Suzy**: What took you so, long?

**Isabella**: Here. I hope you know what I had to go through to get those.

**Suzy**: _[snags the bag out of Isabella's hands]_ There’s like... eleven chips left. _[sniffs]_ And they’re barbecue! Go exchange them for dill pickle.

**Isabella**: No.

**Suzy**: What did you just say?

**Ferb**: I’m just gonna… yeah.

**Suzy**: Take it back.

**Isabella**: _[inhales deeply]_ No.

**Suzy**: Take... it... back.

**Isabella**: No, I’m tired of being your slave. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete.

**Ferb**: _[eating a barbecue chip bag]_ Mm. Barbecue. Mm, the king of chip flavors.

**Suzy**: Hey, Isabella!

_(Holly gasps)_

**Isabella**: Oh. I totally had her!

**Suzy**: We’ve been talking about you.

**Stacy**: We have?

**Suzy**: Zip it! Staciot. We’ve decided to give you one last chance. If you take it back, you can rejoin our alliance.

**Isabella**: Take back what?

**Suzy**: The “N” word. No.

**Isabella**: I don’t wanna take it back.

**Suzy**: You are nothing without me!

**Isabella**: Do you know why we keep losing challenges?

**Suzy**: Because they’re lame and stupid?

**Isabella**: No. Because you’re so, busy being mean that you don’t even try. All you can think of is bossing us around! _(Suzy gasps)_ Unh! Oh, that’s it!

**Suzy**: Bring it, dweeb!

**Suzy**: I am giving you one last chance.

**Isabella**: Why? Because you know you can’t win without your little alliance?

**Suzy**: I can make your life miserable here!

**Isabella**: You already do, Miss Come-Put-Lotion-On-My-Nasty-Alligator-Skin! What do I have to lose?

**Ginger**: 2 hours of sneakin’ around in the woods and I haven’t shot a darn thing. What kind of messed up person actually does this for fun?

**Suzy**: Fine! Be all alone then! Loser!

**Isabella**: It’s better than working for you!

**Suzy**: Bring it, dweeb!

**Isabella**: Oh, that’s it!

_[paintgun shoots]_

**Suzy**: Ow! Who was that?

**Ginger**: Oh! I knew I should’ve gone to the optometrist before I came out here! Ha, sorry about that!

**Suzy**: You! Gimme your gun! Give it! Ow! Charley horse! _[thud]_

**Ginger**: Girl, you crazy.

**Isabella**: Heh. Just looked like a lot of fun when you did it.

_(Isabella and Ginger laugh)_

**Suzy**: Stop laughing!

**Buford**: _[sniffs]_ Beans... _[looks up and grins]_ Monty! _[Monty farts while hidden behind leaves]_ Nice try, Farticus! You almost had me! _[runs away]_

**Django**: Hey. Where are Buford and Lacie?

**Vanessa**: Oh, this is too much.

**Monty**: _[laughs]_ Buford, you sly dog, you!

**Buford**: The girl can’t keep her antlers off me. _[Lacie kicks him in the groin in a pain-pitched voice]_ Can’t even bend over.

**Monogram**: Easy, Lacie. Our medical tent is really only equipped for one at a time and Ferb’s pretty messed up.

**Monogram**: The camper-

**Vanessa**: Who does not receive a marshmallow must immediately return to the Dock of Shame, catch the Boat of Losers and leave. Can't we just get this over with?

**Ferb**: _[in the confessional, about the elimination ceremony]_ Okay, I know I got mauled by a bear, but I'm feeling confident about this. Suzy's as mean as a snake, dude! Her own team shot her like eighteen times! They'll never kick me off.

_[Ferb got eliminated because he was in a full body cast after being mauled by a bear and his team thought he wasn't useful, so, Isabella wheeled him to the Dock of Shame]_

**Isabella**: I know, I can't believe I stood up to her, either! _[Ferb mumbles more; Isabella cannot understand, however]_ Don't worry about me. I'll be fine! And... I still have my good luck charm! _[shows Ferb the tiki idol]_ See? I found it on Boney Island last week. Cool, huh? Goodbye Ferb! Take care! _[Isabella kisses Ferb on the cheek, and he falls off the dock and his wheelchair sinks]_

**If You Can't Take The Heat... [1.10]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=12)]

**Phineas**: Okay. We’ve got like, three courses and six people. so, everybody partner up!

**Coltrane**: I know how to make pasta sauce.

**Jenny**: I know how to boil pasta.

**Django**: Me and Holly can rock the antipasto. I’m like a black belt when it comes to cutting cheese. _[the Bass campers laugh]_ What? What?!

**Buford**: I guess that leaves you and me on dessert detail.

**Lacie**: Oh no. No way!

**Phineas**: Come on, Lacie. For the team.

**Coltrane**: Uh, where do you want the water, Brid– _[spills water on Django's pants]_ Oops!

**Django**: Hey! Smooth move, Dork-ahontus!

**Suzy**: Vanessa, Stacy, you’re both on the citrus macadamia upside down cake flambé.

**Stacy**: Know how to make an upside down flamer thingy?

_[Monty bumps into Suzy, drops some oranges, slips on them and squashes them all]_

**Suzy**: Go back to the truck and get more oranges.

**Monty**: I'm on it! _[leaves to the truck]_

**Suzy**: Jeremy, you and Monty are both on ribs. Ginger and Isabella, you’re both on pineapple skewers and mango dip.

**Ginger**: Girl, let me handle the appetizers. I know how to make a pineapple chutney that will knock the socks off the devil.

**Suzy**: Oh, really? Well, that’s so, great! But since I’m head Carl, we’re gonna stick to my plan. And my plan is pineapples with sticks through them. Got it?

**Lacie**: Careful your big paws don't mash the pastry.

**Buford**: Careful your uptight butt doesn't curdle the custard.

**Lacie**: Oh, ha ha ha.

**Suzy**: These slices are totally uneven. Switch places with Ginger.

**Ginger**: What are you talking about? They look fine to me.

**Suzy**: Um, I didn’t get to be head chef because of poor presentation

**Ginger**: No! You got to be head chef because you _called_ it. And who you think you foolin’ with this crispy white apron power trip you on?

**Suzy**: Are you gonna be a team player or not?!

**Ginger**: Ooh, I’m a team player all right, but I’m also allergic to pineapples!

**Suzy**: Just get slicing. Now! Thanks, guys.

**Ginger**: Ooh! Two-faced, bossy, little– _[gets pineapple allergy rash on her arms]_ Ooh! Ugh! Yo! What do you recommend I do about this?

**Suzy**: Yo, I recommend you scratch after we win. Get back to work.

**Django**: _My biscuits are burning_!

**Suzy**: Pay attention, girls. This is how you flambé. Step one, Pour the flambé which you did manage. Step two, light it. _[lights it which causes a flame burst and it burns off her eyebrows]_ Aaah! My eyebrows! Monty!

**Monty**: _[runs up]_ Is it finally lunch time?

**Suzy**: No! Go get my makeup bag from the cabin!

**Monty**: But, the bees!

**Suzy**: Now!

**Ginger**: Excuse me, I need a bathroom break.

**Suzy**: Well, evidently, I need new eyebrows. But we don’t always get what we want, do we? Ugh! It’s like I’m on a team of morons!

**Ginger**: _[Confessional, furious about Suzy]_ Oh, that is it! Someone’s gotta teach this girl a little respect.

**Suzy**: _[locked inside the fridge]_ Hey! You can’t do this, I’m head chef!

**Stacy**: Do you think Suzy’s really mad at us?

**Suzy**: _[pounds furiously from behind the door]_ I will _destroy _you! _[starts weeping]_

**Ginger**: She’ll get over it. Girl needs to learn how to chill.

**Ginger**: _[to Monty angrily after he ate the whole rib plate]_ Tell me you did not just eat that entire plate of ribs!

**Monogram**: _(After nearly choking to death on the Screaming Gophers' food)_ What the heck is this?!

**Stacy**: It's Suzy's recipe. (_Gasps_) Oh my gosh, she's still in the fridge! _[runs into the kitchen]_

**Ginger**: What? Girl was making everyone trip.

**Monogram**: Oh, I hear that.

**Monty**: (_gasps horrifyingly_) Oh, the horror!

_[Suzy is out of the fridge with her whole body skin completely light blue]_

**Suzy**: (_angrily shivering_) You guys are s-s-s-so dead!

**Lacie**: I'm like the most easygoing person I know!

**Buford**: Oh yeah, you're _totally_ laid back.

_[Isabella got eliminated because Suzy exposed her for taking a cursed tiki idol from Boney Island, causing her team to blame her for their losses.]_

**Suzy**: _[talks to Isabella about her elimination]_ You heard him. Boat of Losers. That away. Not really was silly of you to take that doll from the island.

_[Django wakes up naked at the Dock of Shame while Lacie and Ginger laugh]_

**Lacie and Ginger**: Good morning, Django!

**Django**: _Eeeh_! _[he covers his groin with his pillow]_

**Buford**: So, learned your lesson, yet?

**Django**: Yes! Okay?! Yes!!

**Phineas**: Oh, we're going to need more than that, man!

**Django**: I'll never leave my crusty underwear out again! I swear!

**Phineas**: What the heck? I believe him. Pleasure doing business with ya! _[throws bag full of Django's underwear and shorts]_

**Who Can You Trust? [1.11]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=13)]

_[Suzy sneezes after being locked in the freezer from the previous episode]_

**Vanessa**: Need a little echinacea?

**Suzy**: Ha, you’re so, funny. You think you can just lock me up in a freezer and get away with it? I am gonna make you sorry that you ever met me.

**Vanessa**: Too late.

**Suzy**: You are such a... a... a... achoo! Ugh! I hate this place!

**Lacie**: _[after unknowingly seeing Buford stuff another mug in this shirt]_ I saw that! How could you just steal a mug?

**Buford**: ‘Cause it’s cool looking and I don’t have one. Hm. Didn’t have one, that is.

**Lacie**: But you might get kicked off!

**Buford**: Awww, and here I thought you didn’t care about me.

**Lacie**: We’re one player short and I don’t wanna lose because you feel like going all criminal on us.

**Buford**: Pfft, whatever. You dig me.

**Lacie**: Ugh! Why do I even bother?!

**Major Monogram**: Muy caliente!

**Buford**: This bites!

**Coltrane**: Big time!

**Jeremy**: _[deep voice, slurring]_ I thought you said you passed biology!

**Stacy**: I said I _took_ biology. _[Jeremy falls back on the ground and vomits as he gags]_ Ewww!

**Monogram**: It’s cool. Give him twenty-four hours and he’ll be up walking and breathing, good as new.

**Phineas**: Uh, is anyone going to help this guy?

_[Holly kept shooting Lacie, just after Ginger got the bullseye.]_

**Holly**: I got her this time!

**Monogram**: Ginger won already!

**Lacie**: Hey, moron! It's ov...Oof!

**Vanessa**: _[Confessional]_ Sometimes, the universe gives you a freebie!

_[Lacie convinced her teammates to vote Holly off after she continued shooting crab apples at the former even though they lost the challenge.]_

**Holly**: _[after she got eliminated]_ You know what? That’s fine with me, you… marshmallow eating freaks! _[runs off crying loudly]_

**Monogram**: The rest of you are safe. For now.

**Basic Straining [1.12]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=14)]

**Carl Karl**: Lone up and stand at attention! You call this proper formation?! Knees together! Arms down! Eyes forward! Head up!

**Vanessa**: Oh, this is gonna be a fun day.

**Carl Karl**: What did you say to me, soldier?!

**Vanessa**: Um… Nothing?

**Carl Karl**: And you’ll continue to say nothing until I tell you that you can say something! Today’s challenge will not be an easy one. In fact, I do not expect everyone to come out alive.

**Monty**: _(chuckles)_ Aww, that hurt!

**Carl Karl**: My orders are to make sure that all of the babies in front of me drop out of my boot camp except one. The last one standing wins immunity for their team!

**Suzy**: Uh… what happened to Monogram?

**Carl Karl**: Rule number one! You will address me as Master Chief! Have you got that?!

**All**: Yes, Master Chief!

**Carl Karl**: You will sleep when I tell you to sleep! And you will eat only when I tell you to eat! Is that clear?!

**Phineas**: Yes, Master Chief!

**Carl Karl**: Rule number two! When you are ready to give up, you will walk to the end of the dock and ring the bell. Which brings me to rule number three! I’ll have to get one quitter before the end of the first day! And that day will not end until someone drops out! Now get your butts down to the beach, soldiers! Now, now, now!

_(Campers screaming)_

_[Django rigged the votes to eliminate Lacie, in order to get revenge on Buford, for bullying him.]_

**X-Treme Torture [1.13]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=15)]

**Vanessa**: Did you ever think that maybe Jeremy's doing this as a form of self expression... like haiku?

**Jenny**: So, your guy's a metro with a broken back!

**Vanessa**: So, your guy is like a challenging skater plank. _[Ginger was riding a moose in the background.]_ Okay. So, it wasn't Jeremy or Phineas.

**Jenny**: Yeah! Plus, we assumed it was for us. _[She and Vanessa share a hug]_ Well. Whoever it is, we're gonna find out!

**Suzy**: _[Confessional]_ I couldn't let that little dork-wad win, so, I decided to _cut_ him loose. _[turns toward Django and takes out a knife from her pocket]_ Game over, Gumby!

**Vanessa**: so, we ruled out Monty and Coltrane.

**Jenny**: I know! so, who could it be?

**Ginger**: Who could what be?

**Monogram**: Another note from your secret admirer Ginger?

**Vanessa and Jenny**: _[speechless]_ Ginger's the crush girl?

**Ginger**: You two know someone else here with a booty as luscious as an apple?

**Vanessa**: But who wrote it?

**Monogram**: Jenny and Coltrane! You're safe! _[gives them the marshmallow, then, uses a megaphone]_ Phineas! You're safe!

_[Phineas was up in a tree due to landing in a pile of smelly socks, Monogram tossed a marshmallow to Phineas.]_

**Phineas**:

**Monogram**: Okay, that leaves Django, who bailed big for unknown reasons.

**Django**: _[Confessional]_ Boobies.

**Monogram**: And Buford who bailed even bigger because Stacy left his circling the drain in a shameless–

**Buford**: _[grabs Monogram' shirt by the collar; angrily through gritted teeth]_ The chick was determined.

**Monogram**: _[hands him the last marshmallow]_ Which is why you’re safe. Django, sorry dude. You’re done like dinner. _[he eliminated Django because he bailed in the skiing challenge when he was distracted by Suzy's bare chest.]_

**Django**: Give daddy some sugar.

**Phineas**: So, wait a second, Django saw your boobies?

**Monty**: Can we see?

**Ginger**: Heck, no. _[angered realization]_ Wait a minute. _[walks to the end of the dock calling out to Django]_ Whose boobies did you see?! _[Suzy opens the door after she took a shower]_ Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Oh, see now, you messed with the wrong sister!

**Suzy**: Oh please, it was a total fluke. You think I'd actually showed that dweeb my boobs on purpose?

**Ginger**: _[angrily chases Suzy]_ Get back here!

**Vanessa**: Well, that’s settled. Night.

**Jenny**: Night.

**Brunch of Disgustingness [1.14]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=16)]

**Suzy**: What’s mine is yours. Nail polish, scrunchies, earrings, just help yourself.

**Stacy**: Wow.

**Jenny**: Thanks, Suzy, but um, I like to keep it natural.

**Suzy**: Like my mom always says, a lady can always use a little boost in the looks department.

**Ginger**: And my momma told me ain’t nothin’ free in this world. Watch what you take from this girl, Jenny.

**Suzy**: Mind your own business!

**Ginger**: We’re a team and we gotta live in the same cabin, so, this is _all_ of our business.

**Jenny**: Yeah! We’re a team. We should be using this as an opportunity to get to know each other better.

**Suzy**: You want to play that way? Fine. Be on their side! _[tapes a line in the middle]_ This is my side, and that’s your side! _[Confessional]_ Okay, I probably could’ve played that better. But Ginger seriously creases me.

**Ginger**: Huh, yeah that’s right. You keep putting down that tape. And if you cross it, I’ll smack you down!

**Suzy**: You can choose the weird girls if you want, but just so, you know, once you do, you’re like, not allowed on our side. Right, Stacy?

**Stacy**: Hmph.

**Jenny**: _[Confessional]_ I thought we were supposed to be a team. You know, “united together in solidarity” or something. Let’s build bridges, not walls!

**Suzy**: Take your pick. _[Jenny crosses Ginger and Vanessa's side]_ You just dug your own grave.

**Jenny**: Let’s try to get along, okay? Otherwise, the guys are going to cream us, don’t you get it? Tough room.

**Monogram**: The score now stands at one for the girls and zero for the guys! And now, the next course in... the Brunch of Disgustingness! You guys like pizza?

**Monty**: I could eat pizza any time with anything on it!

**Monogram**: Anything? How about live grasshopper pizza with tangy jellyfish sauce and live anchovies?

**Stacy**: Ew, I hate anchovies!

**Ginger**: Ugh. Mm-mm. That is straight up nasty. I ain’t eatin’ that.

**Suzy**: Oh, yes you are. I am not missing out on an indoor heated pool just because you can’t keep down a few... _[notices a grasshopper on her finger and screams]_ Grasshoppers. Okay, I can’t do this.

**Vanessa**: _[grabs Suzy by the arm]_ I’m digesting a bull’s precious cajones? You're gonna eat.

**Suzy**: Fine. Can I get a little parmesan on this? _[Carl shakes his head no, and she takes a bite]_ Delicious.

**Jeremy**: _[Confessional]_ When I was a kid, my parents used to hold me down and force feed me broccoli. They only did it because broccoli’s… _[shudders]_ good for ya. I can do this. Coltrane, I need you to hold me down, while Phineas, you stuff the slice in my mouth. And no matter how much I scream or beg, you have got to feed me that slice.

**Phineas**: Huh, sure. I’m in.

_[Coltrane holds Jeremy tightly as Phineas holds the slice to stuff it in his mouth]_

**Jeremy**: No, stop! Wait, it was a joke! I was kidding! Ha ha! _[laughs nervously]_ I’m warning you, my dad’s a lawyer! _[Phineas stuffs the slice into his mouth and eats it]_ Mama? _[Confessional]_ It wasn’t that bad. I was playing it up for the cameras. You know, to boost ratings. I don’t really mind beef testicles or live grasshopper pizza with jellyf– Ooh... _[vomits all over]_

**Carl Karl**: _[Confessional]_ I was excited about the next dish. I made it from scratch.

**Monogram**: All right, who’s ready for the third course? Spaghetti! Well, actually, earthworms covered in snail slime sauce and hairballs.

**Phineas**: No! I can’t take anymore! _[runs off screaming]_

**Coltrane**: I’ll take care of this. _[grabs Phineas and holds him down]_

**Phineas**: _[panting]_ Okay, okay! I’m good! I’m good.

**Monogram**: All right everybody. Time for course number four. No nine-course meal would be complete without soup. Today’s special is French Bunyon soup with hangnail crackers.

**Phineas**: _[Confessional]_ I think they just use stuff from Carl’s bathroom floor.

**Stacy**: I didn't even taste it!

**Monogram**: The girls win again! The score’s now tied up at two.

_[The girls cheer as they and the boys are now tied with 2]_

**Jenny**: _[Confessional]_ I think the girls really made a breakthrough as a team.

**Monogram**: Wow, it’s still tied up. We’re down to the last course in the challenge. It’s delicious dolphin wieners. Hot dogs made of dolphin.

**Jenny**: _[gasps]_ But, dolphins are our friends!

**Suzy**: What are you waiting for? It's already dead. If you don't eat it, we don't win!

**Jenny**: Oh, I can't! I'm a surfer. I swim with dolphins!

**Suzy**: EAT IT!

**Jenny**: NO! I'm not doing it! You can't pressure me.

**Coltrane**: I’m with you sister. I’m not eating no dolphin.

_[after Monty finishes the cockroach drink]_

**Monogram**: Monty wins!

_[The boys celebrate their victory after Monty wins the eat-off]_

**Suzy**: Ginger, you are completely useless!

**Ginger**: Oh, uh-oh, something’s coming up. _[starts vomiting]_

**Monogram**: The guys are the big winners today. And the girls go their separate ways. Two definitive cliques have been cemented. For now. What shocking surprises are in store for our campers next week as they head for the big merge? Tune in on _Total Drama Island_.

**No Pain, No Game [1.15]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=17)]

**Monogram**: Now that Suzy's drawn the line, will Ginger cross the line? Can Jenny mend the line before Vanessa shreds the line? And can Stacy recognize any line that's not a tan line?

**Ginger**: _[Confessional]_ Psh. Those should’ve been _my_ alligator elbows getting the hand and foot treatment!

**Monogram**: _[through loudspeaker]_ Listen up, campers! As of right now, all teams are officially dissolved. From here on in, it’s every camper for themselves!

**Buford**: _[clears throat]_ Well, uh, it’s about time we flew solo.

**Ginger**: Oh-ho-ho, I am feelin’ that! Bring it on, Monogram!

**Monogram**: _[through loudspeaker]_ Then, get ready for this!

_[A boat horn blows, and Vanessa and Jenny gasp]_

**Ginger**: You’re frontin’ me.

**Suzy**: What? But that’s impossible.

**Jeremy**: Aw man, what is _she_ doing here?

_[Eva, who was eliminated from "The Big Sleep" with a fire background has returned on another boat]_

**Monogram**: _[through loudspeaker]_ Back by popular audience demand, it’s Eva!

_[Johnny also returns to the game.]_

**Monogram**: _[through loudspeaker]_ Also returning to camp is Johnny!

**Girls**: Oh no!

**Johnny**: Hey guys, It's good to be back camp, even though I never actually left the island, I've been living in the woods all this time.

**Vanessa**: I thought the R.C.M.P hunted you down.

**Johnny**: Do they tribe, but being wilderness survivor I was swift-footed and avoided capture. _(she eats raw fish)_ Once I was safe among my animal brethren, it was just me against the harsh elements.

**Ginger**: You call this "harsh"? It's been warm and sunny all week.

**Johnny**: Not where I was, but luckily I was able to take refuge in a beaver dam. Yeah, I've befriended the family of beavers who lived there and together we forged for nuts and berries. _(she scratches)_ Boy, I could get use of bag of nachos right now. _(imitates howl like a wolf)_ Though, Wasn't if you guys?

_[Girls' cabin]_

**Adyson:** _[walks in]_ What’s with the tape? Somebody better answer me!

**Ginger**: Me and Suzy here got a little uh, territorial. But we’re all cool now. Right, Suzy?

**Suzy**: _[takes the tape off the floor and wraps it in a ball]_ Absolutely. Want my bunk, Eva?

**Adyson:** I want this one. _[shoves Jenny's surfboard]_ Unless Miss backstabbing-traitor-who-voted-me-off has a problem with that.

**Ginger**: Okay, you know what? You can get all up in her face, but don’t forget we’re all here to win.

**Adyson:** Oh, yeah, you got that right, sister thunder thighs.

**Ginger**: Oh, oh, oh. Tell me that the macho mama with butt cheeks tighter than my weave did not just say that!

**Vanessa**: Whoa! Timeout!

**Stacy**: Can't we talk this out over low-cal snacks?

**Adyson:** Whatever. I'm still gonna win! _[walks away]_

**Jenny**: Hey, thanks for stepping in.

**Ginger**: Oh, my pleasure. Nobody disses Shawny’s thighs. _[Confessional]_ That girl is getting on my last nerve!

_[Ginger won the challenge.]_

**Monogram**: Ginger wins! So, Eva is out!

**Adyson:** _[Furious and shocked about this]_ What?! No way!

**Monogram**: Way! She wins the challenge, invincibility and the grand prize!

_[Addy’s had her second elimination when her temper get the better of her again, and she specifically threatened Jenny.]_

**Monogram**: Got some dirt in there, huh. But, in the end! It was still six votes against Adyson, so, adios!

**Adyson:** What?! This isn't the end of me! You better watch your backs! I'm not done! I will have my revenge! _[cuts to her on the Boat of Losers, wearing a straitjacket]_

**Search and Do Not Destroy [1.16]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=18)]

**Suzy**: _(In confessional)_ That’s just too much! Everyone knows that boyfriend-girlfriend is just another way to say “alliance”. And my alliance is gonna be the only alliance on this island!

**Suzy**: Okay, listen up. We’ve gotta break up Jeremy and Vanessa. Here’s the plan. Stacy, I need you to get.. what happened to you?

**Stacy**: Johnny tried to help. Bees stinging. Terror. Lost keys.

_[snake hisses]_

**Suzy**: Uh, yeah. Now here’s the plan. First, I need you to write a letter to Vanessa.

**Ginger**: What’s up, girl?

**Vanessa**: _[sobbing]_ How’d you get all scratched up like that?

**Ginger**: You should see the crocodiles. What about you? What’s up?

**Vanessa**: Well, you see… what happened was…

**Ginger**: _(she runs out of cabin)_ Suzy is so, off this island!

_[Jeremy got eliminated because Vanessa told Ginger that Suzy kissed him. Ginger told everybody to vote him or Suzy off. Since Suzy won invincibility, they voted off Jeremy instead.]_

**Monogram**: _[to Jeremy]_ Sorry dude, you're out. _[Jeremy gasps]_

**Ginger**: That's right! Take your two timing ways back to where you came from.

**Jeremy**: What?! But I thought I was getting so, well with everybody!

**Suzy**: I guess you were wrong.

**Vanessa**: _[gasps to Suzy]_ You don't even care, do you?!

**Suzy**: Hey, just playing the game.

**Jeremy**: _[to Vanessa]_ Why should you care? You think I'm a cliché.

**Vanessa**: Where you get that from?

**Jeremy**: Her. _[points to Suzy]_

**Vanessa**: _[rolls eyes]_ You know, after all this, I still didn't vote you off.

**Jeremy**: Then how did I get the boot?

**Ginger**: My bad! I told everyone that you were two-timing and messin' around with Vanessa and to give you the boot if Suzy won the challenge.

**Jeremy**: _[to Vanessa]_ I want you to be tough and fight to the end, for both of us. I'll be watching and cheering for you back home.

_[Vanessa smiles, they lean in to kiss, but Monogram butts in]_

**Monogram**: Jeremy, you have an appointment at the Dock of Shame and a ticket for the Boat of Losers! Let's go.

**Hide and Be Sneaky [1.17]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=19)]

**Stacy**: The entire viewing world who?

_[Jenny got eliminated because the guys' alliance (except for Phineas) voted her off because she was likable and good at sports]_

**Monogram**: Ok, that was a shocker. Even I'm shocked, and I knew the answer.

**That's Off the Chain [1.18]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=20)]

_[Suzy and Stacy crossed the finish line, but since Buford and Monty did not complete the race, Stacy was technically the last person to cross the line.]_

**Monogram**: That’s not exactly true. Suzy is safe because her bike crossed the line first, but since Buford and Monty wiped out and didn’t complete the race… they technically didn’t cross the line at all. Which makes you the last one to cross the line. Which means it’s Dock of Shame time, baby.

**Stacy**: Okay, I’m so, confused.

**Suzy**: It means I can’t save you unless I give you my invincibility. But I can’t do that. Too risky. You understand.

**Stacy**: But I won. I even built your bike.

**Suzy**: _[laughs nervously]_ I don’t know what she’s talking about. You should just leave with your dignity intact. It will make you seem much more cuter in the instant replays.

_(Vanessa gasped)_

**Stacy**: But we were going to the final three together.

**Suzy**: Guess we’re not.

**Stacy**: Aren’t you even sad? We’re BFFs.

**Suzy**: Yeah, for the contest. I mean, it’s not like we’re gonna be best friends for life or anything. _(Stacy gasped)_

**Stacy**: _(confessional)_ _[gasped]_ I can’t believe she said that! _(confessional off)_ I can't believe you just said that. But we pinkie-swore. You mean I've been helping you all this time, And you didn't even like me?

**Suzy**: Truth? Not really, no. _(Stacy gasped)_ What? We're not here to make friends, we're here to become celebrities, remember?

**Buford**: Ooh, that's cold, brah.

**Suzy**: Oh, like you're such a team player. All you do is go around scaring the crap out of everyone.

**Buford**: At least I'm straight with people.

**Suzy**: Whatever. I have invincibility. No one can touch me.

**Vanessa**: This week.

**Stacy**: You really are mean! And all that bad stuff people say about you is true! Like how you're a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little _(gives Suzy the finger; very long bleep)_ I always told them they were wrong. I stood up for you, because I thought we were BFF's! But they're right! You really are a two-faced, backstabbing, lying little _(very long bleep)_ And guess what? I don't wanna be BFF's anymore! I'd rather spend the day staring at Monty's butt than shopping with you! And P.S, your shoes are tacky!

_(Suzy gasped)_

_[Everyone is laughing]_

**Vanessa**: You tell her!

_[Monty laughs]_

_[Common loon laughs]_

**Suzy**: Oh, go jump in the piranha pool!

**Ginger**: Whoa! Get me off of this thing!

**Stacy**: _(confessional)_ I don’t know what came over me. Oh, wait, yes I do! Suzy’s a total _(shortened censor beep)_

**Hook, Line and Screamer [1.19]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=21)]

**Vanessa**: Here comes the blood fest!

**Suzy**: Coltrane! It's me! Suzy.

**Monty**: If this was a stunt, would Monogram leave behind, his hair gel?!

**Monty**: It was a joke. Too funny. I was all, "AHHHH", and you were all, "EEEEE".

**Monty**: Monty isn't getting to second base, is he? _[Johnny shakes head]_ First base? _[Johnny shakes head again]_ Oh.............is he getting up to ba- _[Johnny punches Monty in the face]_

_[Coltrane ran away screaming all the way to the tent, and it contributes to his elimination.]_

_[Coltrane got eliminated because he ran away before the Killer even got to him, automatically eliminating him]_

**Monogram**: _[about Coltrane elimination]_ Well, it's obvious to everyone that Vanessa wins invincibility. Sadly, it's equally unanimous that Coltrane walk the Dock of Shame since he was the only one who screamed and bolted without the escape psycho killer even being there. But, no hard feelings, dude. You will be missed.

**Monty**: Awww, group hug!

**Wawanakwa Gone Wild! [1.20]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=22)]

**Monogram**: Your challenge is to trap an animal.

**Buford**: _(grabs Monty's arm)_ Got one!

**Monogram**: A wild animal.

**Suzy**: _(Confessional)_ I assumed I'm the favorite to win. I mean, look who's left! Weird goth girl, a criminal, a fart machine, a party dude, a psycho hose beast, and Ginger. And the only thing she has going for her is that she hasn't made any enemies. Whoop-doo! We're not here to make friends! We are here to win! And that is exactly what I plan on doing.

**Buford**: Have you seen Suzy?

**Johnny**: Who?

**Buford**: About ye tall, long dark hair, hot, _[sticks fingers up like antlers]_ wearing deer antlers.

_[Suzy comes out from a bush and passes out from tranquilizer dart on her butt]_

**Johnny**: Whoops...

_[Buford starts to laugh maniacally at the situation, in the confessional]_

**Buford**: _[to Suzy]_ Are you sure you don't wanna go to the infirmary to get your... _[chuckles]_ butt-dart removed?

**Suzy**: _[paralyzed]_ Not until psycho hose beast goes down.

_[Johnny had her second elimination when she shot Suzy, Carl Karl, a plane, and a horse with a tranquilizer gun due to having bad hunting skills and being too crazy.]_

**Monogram**: Johnny, Vanessa. One of you has spent your last night on Total Drama Island.

**Suzy**: _[paralyzed]_ Just give it to Vanessa already!

**Monogram**: Ehh... _[he shrugs and tosses the last marshmallow to Vanessa]_

**Johnny**: _[casually]_ Ah, we've all gotta go sometime, right?.

**Monty**: You could make out with me first, if that would cushion the blow...?

**Johnny**: Goodnight, everybody! Thanks for comin' out! _[throws a smoke pellet to the ground and vanishes; everyone else looks shocked]_

**Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon [1.21]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=23)]

**Phineas**: You've never been to a party?

**Vanessa**: No, okay? Sometimes I wish I had been. That for just one day I could be one of those happy, vapid girls who gets along with everyone, and who is all excited to eat massive amounts of sugar, and do karaoke, and cheerleading and ponytails. I just don't think it's in my DNA.

_[Phineas got eliminated because his happy attitude and popularity was a threat to all the campers]_

**Phineas**: _[after he got eliminated]_ No sweat Vanessa. Chow dudes.

**Vanessa**: Wait! I have something for you! _[runs up to Phineas]_

**Phineas**: My lens!

**Vanessa**: I went back to Boney Island. I'm sorry. There might be just a little bit of white Wawanakwa in it.

**Phineas**: Makes it a better souvenir right?

**Vanessa**: Right. Bye Phineas and thanks. _[walks away but gets caught by Phineas for a photo.]_

**Phineas**: Wait up! Say cheese! _[takes picture]_

**Haute Camp-ture [1.22]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=24)]

**Monogram**: Welcome to Playa des Losers. The all-inclusive luxury resort where our sent after being brutally voted out of the game to lick their wounds and accept their fate as reality show has-beens. When we are down to the two final competitors, their fate will be in the hands of these seventeen losers!

**Ferb**: After I got my body cast off and the stitches removed, I started to realize, this place is pretty sweet!

**Jeremy**: Yo, Ferb! Need some sunscreen? You’re looking a bit pink, dude!

**Ferb**: No thanks! I’m trying to get a tan! It attracts the ladies!

**Lacie**: I don’t care how nice this place is, I’m not supposed to _be_ here. After I was kicked off, I found out _exactly_ what went on the night I was eliminated. _[Flashback to Django switching the votes]_ It was all Django’s fault! I should be in the final five right now! When I find that little twerp, I’m gonna grab hold of him, and wring his skinny, awkward little neck! You hear me, Django? I know you’re hiding around here somewhere! He has to come out sometime. And when he does, he’s going to get it.

**Django**: Hey, Jeremy! Slide me some bologna.

**Jeremy**: Yeah, what the heck? _[tosses Django some bologna]_

**Irving**: Dude, why are you helping him? He’s a traitor, eh?

**Jeremy**: True. But he doesn’t deserve to starve to death. And he sure can’t come out here.

**Lacie**: I’m in the middle of filing a lawsuit for wrongful termination of competition. These people are witnesses! I was unfairly kicked off!

**Jeremy**: I didn’t see a thing, man.

**Coltrane**: You got me.

**Baljeet**: Must’ve missed that episode.

**Gretchen**: What’s she talking about?

**Adyson:** Didn’t see it. Don’t care.

**Lacie**: _[scoffs]_ You all know what happened!

**Irving**: Hey, give her a break already, eh? I got kicked off from the first– _[Lacie hits him with a lamppost]_

**Stacy**: You just would’ve been kicked off in another episode. No one liked you that much.

**Lacie**: _[gasps]_ That is so, not true! Everyone likes me! I used to be a CIT! _[a coconut hits her on the head]_ Ow! This is a coconut. We’re in Muskoka, people! If you’re going to drop props on my head, at least make them geographically correct!

**Baljeet**: Did I get anything out of this experience? No. It was completely and totally uneventful.

**Johnny**: He kissed a guy!

**Baljeet**: No, I didn't!

**Johnny**: Yes, you did.

**Baljeet**: Didn't.

**Johnny**: Did!

**Baljeet**: Did! Not!

**Johnny**: Did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did, did!

**Jeremy**: Ahem. I can break this tie. He totally did.

_[Flashback to Baljeet kissing Ferb on the ear during the sleep challenge]_

**Baljeet**: I have... no comment.

**Monogram**: so, Jeremy, if you could say something one to the five remaining campers, what would it be?

**Jeremy**: Uh, I guess I’d tell Vanessa that I was rooting for her. And… I miss her. _[flashback]_ I want you to be tough and fight ’til the end. For both of us. I’ll be watching and cheering for you back home. _[In confessional]_ The fact that Vanessa is so, smart and independent, coupled with the fact that she’s incredible to look at, is just making me nuts! She rocks my world! so, yeah, I’ll take a skunk shot for her any day. _[real time]_ Hey, snagged you an extra muffin. _[flashback ends]_ She’s special. And I think I’m in love with her.

**Gretchen & Holly**: Aww!

**Jeremy**: I just hope she’s still not ticked at me about the Suzy thing.

**Johnny**: I would be. If she were me, and you were still you, you would be seriously maimed.

**Jeremy**: Uh, that’s a little harsh.

**Johnny**: You kissed her mortal enemy!

**Jeremy**: It wasn’t my fault! I was tricked!

**Johnny**: Yeah, right. That’s what they all say! “My lips did what they wanted. My lips have a mind of their own. Blah, blah, blah, fish cakes, blah, blah, blah, I’m a liar. Blah, blah, blah.” Haha.

**Jeremy**: Okay.

**Johnny**: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to the bathroom. _(pause)_ Ahh…

**Baljeet**: Ah!

**Gretchen & Holly**: Ah!

**Jeremy**: Eww, Johnny!

**Stacy**: That is so, gross!

**Johnny**: What? It’s chlorinated. Sheesh.

**Irving**: _[about Suzy]_ She was pretty bossy, eh?

**Gretchen**: Oh, she was so, totally bossy.

**Isabella**: Telling her off _[flashes back to her standing up to Suzy in the paintball deer hunting challenge]_ was the best moment of my life.

**Holly**: If none of us even like her, how did Suzy get into the final?

**Adyson:** 'Cause she’s a conniving, backstabbing, little witch! That’s why!

**Django**: Buford? I hate that guy. _[Flashbacks to him being picked on and pranked by Buford]_ He made me pee my pants. He drew on my face with a marker. He strung my underwear up a flagpole, put hot sauce in them, and fed them to me for lunch in an underwear sandwich! He’s beyond annoying. Idiot!

**Stacy**: Okay, let’s talk about Gingerbread.

**Everyone**: Ginger!

**Django**: At first I thought she was real loud, but then I realized she’s my soulmate.

**Lacie**: I can’t say anything bad about her. And I excel at saying bad things about people.

**Holly**: I think she is so, fetch.

**Gretchen**: She has the best style. We’ve been friends since the beginning.

**Baljeet**: You weren’t even on the same team.

**Gretchen**: Irregardless.

**Baljeet**: She locked Suzy in the fridge. Anyone who can come up with something like that gets my vote.

_[Monogram announced that a verbal vote-off would happen between the eliminated campers to decide who was going to be eliminated. However, he considered the mentioning of any contestants name as a vote.]_

**Monogram**: Here's how it's gonna work! There are no marshmallows. I'm gonna ask you, one by one, who you would like to see join you here tonight at Playa Des Losers. _[eyeing the first of the voters]_ Gretchen and Holly, since you share a brain, I'll ask you both. Who would you like to vote for?

**Holly**: _[giddily]_ Ohh! I miss Ginger the most! _[a bell dings signifying a vote against Ginger]_

**Gretchen**: Ohhh! It would be so, much fun to have her here! Definitely Ginger! _[bell dings]_

_[Everyone gasps]_

**Lacie**: Why are you voting her off!? If you like Ginger, _[bell dings]_ leave her in!

**Monogram**: That's three votes: Ginger.

**Lacie**: What? NO!

**Django**: You're just voting off my girlfriend to spite me. _[hits Lacie]_

**Lacie**: Let go of me, you big geek!

_[Django and Lacie start having a slap fight, and eventually, fall into the pool]_

**Baljeet**: Excellent!

**Monogram**: Okay! Onto the next voter: Stacy.

**Stacy**: Don't worry! I'm not going to say Ginger. _[bell dings]_

**Coltrane**: **Stacy!**

**Stacy**: No! You can't vote for me! You have to vote for someone who's in the final five, like Ginger. _[bell dings]_

**Johnny**: Okay! C'mon, guys! NO ONE SAY "GINGER"! _[bell dings as Johnny gasps and covers her mouth]_

**Monogram**: _[in background]_ That's six votes Ginger.

**Talking Parrot**: Awk! Ginger! _[bell dings]_

**Everyone**: NO!

**Monogram**: Seven votes Ginger.

**Jeremy**: Monogram, that was a parrot! It doesn't even know who Ginger is! _[bell dings]_

**Talking Parrot**: Awk! Polly want a Ginger! _[bell dings]_

**Monogram**: _[enthusiastically]_ Nine! _[Jeremy slaps his forehead]_

_[Ginger gets shocked when she was voted off with nine "votes" and gets into the Boat of Losers by Carl]_

**Camp Castaways [1.23]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=25)]

_[Mr. Coconut's elimination]_

**Monty**: Oh no, you don't mean...

**Monogram**: Yep. It's time for Mr. Coconut to walk the Dock of Shame.

**Monty**: BUT WHY?!

**Monogram**: _[takes Mr. Coconut away from Monty]_ Get it together, dude. You're starting to creep me out. _[throws him away]_

**Monty**: MR. COCONUT! NO!

**Suzy**: By the way, what we can can fest back there. Stays back there.

**Buford**: Oh yeah.

**Vanessa**: No argument.

**Monty**: _[as Mr. Coconut is thrown into the lake]_ Don't worry Mr. Coconut. I shall never let go!

**Are We There, Yeti? [1.24]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=26)]

**Monty**: It's all good except one thing's missing... foooooood!

_[Buford got eliminated because he caused all the trouble in the entire season]_

**Suzy**: What can I say? You could have scored an alliance with me, but you blew it.

**Vanessa**: You played the game well. Sorry that you had to lose over a sticky bun.

**Monty**: I-I-I- _[burps]_

**Buford**: Whatever.

**Vanessa**: _[confessional]_ I've got to admit, I didn't think I'd make it this far; but now that I have, I might as well win.

**I Triple Dog Dare You [1.25]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=27)]

_[Vanessa spins first and gets Buford]_

**Monogram**: Vanessa, you can perform the dare yourself, or dare one of your competitors to do it. _[chuckles]_ Either way, someone's licking some armpit in the next minute.

**Vanessa**: I triple dog dare Suzy.

**Monty**: You could imagine that you’re licking an ice cream cone.

**Suzy**: Shut up, Monty!

**Monty**: Minus the BO.

**Suzy**: I'm warning you!

**Monty**: Oh, and the pit hair.

_[Suzy gags]_

**Monogram**: Oh, man! That was so, sick! I nearly puked! Nearly.

_[Suzy spins and gets Irving]_

**Monogram**: Irving's dare is, chew your own toenail. Slowly.

**Suzy**: Vanessa! I dare Vanessa. Don’t choke on it, honey. _[Vanessa sits down, take off her shoe, Carl cuts a piece of her toenail, and begins to chew it slowly]_ Uh uh uh. He said chew it slowly.

**Vanessa**: _[gulps]_ There. Satisfied?

**Suzy**: Very. I'm just picturing Jeremy watching this. And something tells me he won’t be eager to lock lips with you anytime soon.

**Vanessa**: You should talk, pit breath.

_[Monty spins and gets Isabella]_

**Monogram**: Isabella. Re-chewing a wad of Django’s gum.

**Monty**: I will take the dare!

**Vanessa and Suzy**: Ew!

**Monogram**: Dude. It's chewed gum. Django's chewed gum.

**Monty**: I know. But it must be pretty special if he's saving it. _[Carl takes out Django's chewed gum and gives it to Monty as he eats it]_ Mm. Full body. A delicate fruity aroma with a hint of citrus. _[laughs]_ Robust, yet balanced. Ooh! Summery. Ooh! And a crunchy center. _[the scene does a close-up at Django's face of him picking his nose as Monogram and Carl pretend to gag as Monty blows and pops his old gum]_ Woohoo!

**Monogram**: Monty wins the first freebie! And a tetanus shot! If you want.

**Monty**: Nah, I'm good. Thanks.

_[Suzy spins and gets Albert, whose dare is to eat grape jelly out of Monty's belly button. Carl pours nine spoonfuls of jelly into Monty's navel]_

**Monty**: Sorry.

**Suzy**: Shut up, Monty!

**Monty**: Twice in a row's gotta suck.

**Suzy**: I mean it!

**Monty**: Especially since I never wash in there. _[Suzy gags]_ Not ’cause I don’t want to. I just forget. _[Suzy slurps]_ Hey! You didn’t puke this time! _[retches and vomits]_

**Monogram**: _[to Carl]_ You still cool?

_[Suzy spins and gets Phineas]_

**Monogram**: Drink powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet.

**Vanessa**: Quite the predicament, Vanessa. Do you use the freebie? Or do I save it for an even sicker dare down the road? What to do? What to do? _[inhales]_ I'm going in.

**Monogram**: _[confessional]_ so, freakin’ sick. Carl’s going down. _[in the toilet room with Carl and Vanessa]_ No way. That’s so, gross! _[laughs]_

_[Vanessa takes the straw and drinks powdered fruit punch from the communal toilet and starts to throw up]_

_[Monty spins and gets Ferb]_

**Monogram**: Eat dog food.

**Monty**: Yeah, baby! Man, sorry, guys. I keep gettin’ all the good ones!

**Monogram**: _[chuckles]_ Okay! Down, boy! Heel! Dude, you have two freebies you can use. Better yet, you could dare an opponent. Like, say, one without a freebie?

**Vanessa**: You still have a bit of jelly on your lower lip.

**Suzy**: Oh, go stick your face back in the toilet.

**Monty**: It's cool, bro! My dog digs this food. Time to find out what I’ve been missing! Haha. _[eats noisily]_ Meaty tasting.

_[everyone vomits]_

**Monogram**: _[confessional]_ Okay. That was so, gross! _[vomits]_ Is there nothing these freaks won’t do?

**Suzy**: Hello? Ix-nay on the onspiracy-cay! That is totally unfair! Get out your rule book and do your rule checking thing! They’re obviously gonna gang up and whoop me with dares! There as to be a rule about this kind of thing!

**Monogram**: Sorry. Them’s the rules. Not a rule to be had. Nada. _[Vanessa spins the wheel and it lands on Lacie]_ Drink a blended purée of Carl's mystery meats.

**Vanessa**: Eenie, meenie, minie, Suzy!

_[Suzy drinks the blended purée and completes the dare. Later, it shows a montage of Suzy doing dare after dare, which includes swimming in leeches, acting like a chicken, slapping herself, eating a cockroach, do the Princess and the Frog with Carl's socks and finally gets her head doused in pig feces and gets blasted out of a cannon into a pile of pig feces.]_

_[Vanessa spins and gets Stacy]_

**Suzy**: Finally I catch a break. There's no way Stacy could think of anything bad.

**Monogram**: Ooh, you're not gonna like this one. Have your head-shaved by Carl!

**Suzy**: _What_!?

**Vanessa**: _[gives Monty a high-five]_ Stacy rules!

**Monogram**: What's it gonna be Suzy? Are you going to do the dare, or the Walk of Shame?

_[Suzy starts getting worried and Vanessa and Monty are getting intense and then, Suzy couldn't take it much longer and she kicks the razor.]_

**Suzy**: No! _[The razor lands on her and she gets her head shaved and clumps of hair fly out as it happens. Suzy was now bald.]_ Huh? Wha?! Ugh!

**Monogram**: Wow! Well that was an unfortunate accident... looks like Suzy's out.

**Suzy**: _[after her head was shaved]_ What are you talking about? He shaved my head!

**Monogram**: True, but you didn't actually accept the dare. If you had, you'd still be bald, but at least you'd be in the game!

**Monty**: That was harsh, tough break.

_[Suzy angrily screams as the birds fly even the eliminated contestants, a squirrel gets shocked too as well]_

**Monogram**: _[as Suzy grabs him by the shirt]_ Sorry. That's the rules.

**Suzy**: _[angrily]_ I thought you said there weren't any rules!

**Monogram**: Yeah, I know. It's complicated. But here's the rub: you lose, they win.

**Vanessa and Monty**: No way! _[Monty gets up and dances]_ We won! Yes!

**Suzy**: Fine, but you'll be hearing from my lawyers! _[walks away]_

**Monogram**: Yeah, yeah. _[gave Carl the keys]_ I know. It's gonna be a long ride.

_[After Suzy's head was shaved by Carl, it was done accidentally. However, despite that she completed her dare, she did not initially accept it. The one rule of the challenge was that if a contestant did not accept their dare, they would immediately be eliminated, and so, Suzy was eliminated.]_

**Suzy**: A long ride to court, where I sue you for everything you've got!

**Monogram**: And then there were two. Tune in to see who will win the check for $100,000,000 on _Total Drama Island_.

**Suzy**: You want drama? You'll be penniless! Jobless! Your name will be mud on every blog from here to Cape Breton!

**The Very Last Episode, Really! [1.26]**[[edit](https://en.wikiquote.org/w/index.php?title=Total_Drama_Island&action=edit&section=28)]

_[the finalists have a series of confessionals]_

**Monty**: I had a _wicked_ time! _(recap)_ It was awesome! _(in the recap)_ Yeah! Who's the man?

**Vanessa**: What was it like being here for 8 weeks? _(recap)_ It sucked, that's what.

**Carl Karl**: You think it's easy cooking for 22 ungrateful teenagers? Man I've had better jobs in prison.

**Monty**: The food was awesome! _(recap)_ Aah!

**Carl Karl**: At least _someone's_ appreciative. Slavin' all day at the hot stove.

**Vanessa**: The food... _(recap)_ ...was disgusting.

**Carl Karl**: Less rat droplets. Does this look like a 5-star restaurant to you?

**Monty**: And the people were just awesome!

**Vanessa**: The people here...sucked. They were nothing but a bunch of _(recap)_ backstabbing, manipulative _(Suzy)_, two-timing _(Jeremy)_, fame hungry _(Candace)_, dim-witted _(Stacy)_, certifiably insane _(Johnny)_, really weird _(Django)_, psychotic _(Buford)_, redneck _(Irving)_, overbearing _(Eva)_, goody-goody _(Lacie)_, know-it-all _(Baljeet)_, party obsessed _(Phineas)_, jerks. I was lucky enough to meet five people _(Jenny, Ferb, Coltrane, Ginger, Monty)_ who were actually sane.

**Monty**: The one thing I'll be remembered for? Uh..._(recap; fart montage)_ I hope my great personality. _(farts)_

**Vanessa**: What will I be remembered for? _(recap)_ My great personality. Ok, I'm done here.

**Monty**: _[hears his stomach rumbling]_ Oh. Oh, oh no! Quick! W-Where’s the bathroom out here?!

**Monogram**: Monty, no! Not in the confession can!

_[Johnny, Lacie, Coltrane, Buford, and Phineas gasp]_

**Monty**: _[farting]_ Ahh… Haha.

**Stacy**: Oh no! Vanessa is winning! Our yacht party is in jeopardy!

**Phineas**: Dudes! We have to do something!

**Johnny**: Wait, I have a plan! Has anyone seen a really big electric fan here?

**Monogram**: Sure. Got one in my trailer.

**Phineas**: You do?

**Monogram**: Do you think I get this windblown look naturally?

**Johnny**: Get it and meet me back here! Run!

**Johnny**: Hot brownies comin’ through. Stacy, the fan! Now!

_[when Stacy turns a big electric fan on, it accidentally blows Suzy's wig off instead]_

**Suzy**: Ahh! My wig! Can't you fools do anything right?!

**Ginger**: _[angry]_ Ooh, that's it! I've had about enough of that girl. _[grunts as she grabs Suzy to walk and throw her into confession can when it locked up]_

**Suzy**: _[inside the confession; screaming]_ Let me out of here! Ugh! Ginger! Oh my gosh… Monty! You are so, gross!

**Monogram**: After eight grueling weeks, it is my pleasure to give this $100,000 check, to the last camper standing... Vanessa! Vanessa, at this time I give you the ultimate symbol of survival on this island: The final marshmallow.

**Monty**: Yeah, you deserve it! It's just such a bummer about the party...

**Vanessa**: Well, after I pay for my tuition, there may be enough left over for a rockin' party... And everyone's invited! Everyone except Suzy. _[Suzy frowns]_

**Monty**: Whoo-hoo-hoo! Party, anyway! Are you gonna bring someone...special, Vanessa? Hey? Hey? Hey?

**Vanessa**: _[looks at Jeremy]_ If he'll go with me...?

**Jeremy**: So, does this mean...

**Vanessa**: Oh, shut up, already. _Yes_, I'll go out with you! _[Vanessa and Jeremy hug]_


End file.
